Well...it is up! A For Sale sign in front of our house. I almost threw up when I saw it. I mean, I was the one that emailed our wonderful realtor and told him to do it...but I still thought I had a few days before it was going to be displayed in my yard for the world to see.
My emotions are on fire at 12:04am on July 4, and it is not the fireworks. Reagan asked why there was a sign in our yard and we had to tell her that we were trying to move. I had kind of prepared her with talk about a bigger yard, and her own room...I have not yet mentioned to her that we might have to stay at Grandma and Grandpas for a while to recoup the money that we are losing out by selling now. She is fine with it and she just wants to make sure she can come back and see her friends (aka, the neighbors nieces and nephews that are there like 2x a year), as this is a reason we are moving also...no kids for her to play with.
When we said that we would sell it one day, I knew that my kids would be getting ready to go to school and I guess "this" was always the plan...but it came too soon. I know that we might not sell now and this might be just me being sad for no good reason, but what if it goes quick and I have to pack up in weeks. How will that be possible, and am I ready for that with a 4 year old and a 10 month old?
I don't want to leave. We took our first relationship jump in this house (it was bigger than marriage), then we brought Ellie home and that was super scary, but we got through that. Then we got engaged and planned a wedding here. I got a positive pregnancy result here a few months later. We felt the emptiness of a house without a dog here after we put Ellie down. We brought our first baby home here, and I sat in this house alone while she slept in my arms and I knew that she was a huge responsibility and a life changing en devour for us, but we finagled through that too. After that hurdle and decided it would be wonderful to bring a new puppy to this house and I was again overwhelmed by that experience. After only 2 years, we then decided to do it all again; we took a positive pregnancy test here and brought home another beautiful baby. As all of these life changing events happened, our tiny starter home grew with all of the hard work that we put into it, but it is now not big enough for what we need as a 4+dog member family.
Although, I know I will cry more as we continue this process (or not, if no one wants to buy) that the emotions will continue to soar. I have to try to remind myself that this house does not love me back; it is brick, 2x4's, wood paneling, ugly cabinets, carpet that we installed, dishwashers that we fought over, bathroom colors that we picked out, a patio that we choose, fans that we broke, a lawn we mowed. This is too, Thanksgivings, birthday parties, Sundays reading the newspapers, watching hockey in jammies, Snow Days, dancing in the kitchen, Burger Nights, drinking red wine on a Tuesday(just because), throwing balls to the dog, putting up Christmas trees on Black Friday and the countless other meaningless events that I will miss dearly. This house may not love me, but I have loved it.
So after I have talked it out with every friend, relative, client at the salon, and even my students; we decided that since the market is hot, let's do it and see what happens. Tony does not believe in "signs", but I do feel that they are all pointing us in the direction of our next life changing event of selling our "first" baby, and moving into a new house with new memories.
I don't want to move, but it is time.
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